Funny Wedding Vows

Funny Wedding Vows

Funny wedding vows are a great way to lighten up an otherwise solemn ceremony, and also make it more memorable. Here are some examples, which should help you write your own.
The words :"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband ... ", educe a touch of sentimentality, and also have some stifling a yawn. While the traditional marriage vows have a charm of their own, most people today want to customize their own. With so much effort going into the d├ęcor, menu, and every aspect, it is little wonder that a couple would want promises that are specially suited for them. While most write their own, a trend that is on the rise is funny wedding vows. If either of you are known for your sharp wit and sense of humor, you are sure to want it to reflect in your vows too. While adding humor is a great way to make them memorable, ensure that they are done in good taste. Whether you end up with lines that rhyme or not, they should be such that they tell the guests present a little about the both of you.

Example 1

Groom: I, Reggie, choose you, Lily, to be my wife. In front of our friends and family gathered here, I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.

Bride: I, Lily, choose you, Reggie, to be my husband. In front of our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may come into our path. I promise to learn how to change a tire and how to refill the screen wash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win. I will love you always.

Example 2

Minister: Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, relinquish the remote to, until death do you part?

Example 3

Groom: I, Lucas, take you Gina, to be my spouse, on the golf course or in front of the shopping channel, at the computer or with the bridge club, as long as we both shall live.

Example 4

Minister: Do you take this man to be your husband?
Bride: I do.
Minister to Groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife?
Bride: He does.

Example 5

Groom: I, Barney, take you, Betty, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast forwarded for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do us part.

Example 6

I, Fred, take you Ginger, to be my lawfully wedded wife.
To be together in happiness and strife,
To have and to hold,
Even if your cooking grows mold.
I love you in richness and in debt,
And cherish all moments since we have met.
I promise to love you until the end of my days,
As long as you stay out of my baseball plays.
I pledge to be faithful
Even when we're old and dull.

Dr. Seuss Inspired Vows

Minister: Will you take her as your wife? Will you love her all your life?
Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife, yes, I'll love her all my life.
Minister: Will you have, and also hold, just as you have at this time told?
Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold, just as I have at this time told, Yes, I will love her all my life, as I now take her as my wife.

Minister: Ms. Seuss would you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? Would you could you in a house? Would you could you with this louse? Would you could you in our church? Would you could you giving birth? Would you take this Sam I Am man and in the morning feed him green eggs and ham?

These have been written by the brilliant Marty Blase:

"Pastor: Will you answer me right now
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Groom: Yes, I will answer right now
Your questions as my wedding vow.

Pastor: Will you take her as your wife?
Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife,
Yes, I'll love her all my life.

Pastor: Will you have, and also hold
Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold,
Just as I have at this time told,
Yes, I will love her all my life
As I now take her as my wife.

Pastor: Will you love through good and bad?
Whether you're happy or sad?

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad,
Whether we're happy or sad,
Yes, I will have and I will hold
Just as I have already told,
Yes, I will love her all my life,
Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich?
Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich,
And I will love her in a ditch,
I'll love her through good times and bad,
Whether we are happy or sad,
Yes, I will have, and I will hold
(I could have sworn this has been told!)
I promise to love all my life
This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,
And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit,
And when we're hurt, and when we're sick,
And I will love her when we're rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death you part?

Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart
From now until death do us part,
And I will love her when we're rich,
And when we're broke and in a ditch,
And when we're fit, and when we're sick,
(Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?)
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold,
And if I might now be so bold,
I'll love her my entire life,
Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife,
And if you'll love her all your life,
And if you'll have, and if you'll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you'll love through good and bad,
And whether you're happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you're poor, and when in wealth,
And if you'll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you'll love her through and through,
Please answer with these words:

Pastor and Groom: I DO!

Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride,
But please, do keep it dignified."

Using these samples as an inspiration, I'm sure you'll be able to come up with a set of your own. Just keep in mind that these are promises you are making to each other, and that you shouldn't include anything that will offend your future spouse.
Advertisement